Between the lines of fear and pain
by lotty-anna
Summary: Faced with unearthing her childhood memories,issues and problems Miranda finds her self in an emotional whirl wind she has never found herself in before. But how much can Andy help her? Can Andy help Miranda enough for her to lay her demons to rest? Or is Miranda too damaged for even Andrea to deal with ?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, this is our first Mirady story. Hannah and myself will be sharing the writing of this story between us and hopefully it will be updated quickly.**

**Faced with unearthing her childhood memories,issues and problems Miranda finds her self in an emotional whirl wind she has never found herself in before. But how much can Andy help her? Can Andy help Miranda enough for her to lay her demons to rest? Or is Miranda too damaged for even Andrea to deal with ?**

**This is Mirandy so it is not garenteed it will go smoothly, ultimately ups and downs will occur but hopefully things will work out.**

**Both parties have their own issues and problems to over come and together they are able to build bridges and move on... Together?**

**We own none of the characters in this story but a little bit of imagination doesn't harm any one so we are simply borrowing the characters for our imaginations benefit.**

**We hope you enjoy the journey of this story.**

**Lauren and Hannah x**

It was a warm sunny night in the middle of July; Andy was, as usual waiting around for the book to arrive. Using the time wisely because she hardly ever got free time these days, she would write, read, catch up with her parents or make sure everything was perfect for Miranda for the following day; she never had time to switch off completely.

Tonight she'd been really engrossed in her writing and didn't even realise the time until Nigel stood in front of her desk with the book.

"Six" he said trying to get her attention.

"Sorry Nigel, I didn't even see you there." She replied taking the book and smiling up at him.

They both said their goodbyes and Nigel left.

Eventually she packed away and left for the evening, getting into the waiting car outside. Roy dropped her at the townhouse and Andy slid out. "I'm going to take the Subway home tonight Roy", she smiled to him through the open car window.

"If you're sure, good night Andy." he smiled back at her and drove off.

Turning around, she started walking up the steps to the townhouse, pulling out the key and let herself in.

As usual she opened the closet and put the dry cleaning in and went to put the book on the table.

"Andrea." she heard coming from the den "Bring the book here", the voice demanded.

Andy walked through and was shocked when she saw her. Miranda looked fragile, red puffy eyes and just very unlike Miranda, similar to when Andy saw her in her hotel room in Paris.

Miranda cleared her throat, feeling a bit self conscience at Andy's reaction to seeing her. "I need you to arrange a meeting with my lawyer as soon as possible about the divorce; I want it over as quickly as possible. It's been dragging on far too long."

"Of course." Andy smiled and wrote a note to call her lawyer tomorrow.

"That's all." Miranda said sharply.

Andy stood for a few minutes, reluctant to ask her boss if she was okay. Emily's voice popped into her head 'You never ask Miranda anything.'

Soon enough she was snapped out of her thoughts, "Was there something else Andrea?" Miranda asked.

'Quick, make something up!' Andy thought. "I...urm…Are you okay? You looked a bit upset when I walked in." She then remembered to breath and realised what she said. 'Oh shit' she thought. 'Why are you such an idiot Andy?'

Despite what she was thinking, she wasn't sure she was ready for the reply.

''Yes Andrea. I was upset, but I am fine now.'' Miranda hoped this would be the end to it, she wasn't exactly happy about letting people know how she was feeling and she wasn't exactly fine now.

Although recently she'd felt she didn't know herself than more ever, it made her feel weak because in some ways she felt out of control and everyone knew Miranda never lost control.

Andy thought better than to push it, but she was now concerned for Miranda and she wanted to try and be a friend to her.

Andy had thought about being more than her friend, but now was an inappropriate time to think about that.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Andy asked, looked down at the floor, avoiding all eye contact.

Miranda felt like she should be angry, she'd let her guard down, admitted that she wasn't some hard, cold bitch and did have feelings. Andy had seen her like this before and she didn't run a mile, never judged her and never brought it back up again.

Miranda had never even thought about if they'd ever be friends, she was just an assistant. Despite all that, she felt something for Andy and had done for a long time. However, until now she had managed to not think about it too much or even acknowledge these feelings.

Truth was, Miranda cared about her in her own none showing way. Miranda knew Andy cared for her too, really cared, not the, get close and stab you in the back way. This was unusual for Miranda; she'd never had anyone care about her, in a long long time.

"Sit down Andrea." Miranda put aside the book and moved up a little on the sofa, for Andy to sit next to her.

Andy was taken back by this, but sat down trying not to show how nervous she was.

"It's the girls" she sighed, feeling herself getting worked up again.

"Oh my God! Miranda are they ok? What's happened?" Andy was panicking now.

"Calm down Andrea, they're ok, physically." she took a breath.

"They've been getting mad at me lately, blaming me for Stephen leaving, which then went on to them blaming me for making their dad leave." at this point she was trying to hold back the tears. It wasn't all her fault…was it?

" They never even liked Stephen, I just guess it's their way of telling me, anyone I bring into their lives, is gone as quick as they come. Soon enough, they'll leave me too, they hate me." She struggled with the last words and let the tears fall.

Andy didn't know what to do, it was one thing to ask Miranda anything, let alone touch her. Although, Andy couldn't just sit back and see her cry like this, she wasn't thinking straight tonight and actually begun to wonder if she was dreaming because Miranda was actually talking to her about how she felt. Why would she talk to me? Nothing was really making sense to her this evening.

"They don't hate you Miranda and they won't leave you." Andy tried to reassure Miranda and placed a hand on her knee, rubbing it to try and soothe her.

Miranda was shocked at this, Andy knew better than to touch her, but right now, she needed this; the reassurance, an actual friend for the first time in as long as she could remember.

Looking up into Andy's eyes, she saw the hurt, which confirmed what Miranda was thinking. 'She really does care about me' that was enough to make Miranda even more emotional. Genuinely, she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt that kindness.

"How can you be so sure?" she asked, choking on her tears.

Andy didn't realise she had feelings for Miranda, maybe they were already there and she just hadn't noticed. Or maybe it was just the situation of tonight, Andy didn't know, she was just confused right now.

" I know because when I was 11 my sister was involved in a car accident. She was 5 years older than I was and she always used to try and break the rules a little. If my parents told her to be in for 11, she'd always push it and come in at 12. Anyway, one night my parents had given up trying and told her to make sure she was home by 12, in the hope she would actually be home on time."

Andy had to take a deep breath as the tears pricked in her eyes. "She didn't return home that night, turns out she was once again pushing it and wasn't planning on coming home until early morning. That's when the car hit her; she thought she knew better than to listen to my parents. They'd gone over and over how important it was to be safe on the road and to come in at a reasonable enough time. That's when I started blaming my parents, saying if they'd not give her the leeway, then she'd still be here. I constantly used to shout at them, putting them down, telling them they were horrible parents. I guess I was grieving and eventually, when I was about 15, I realized it wasn't their fault, they were just trying to let her be an adult and she abused that privilege. So you see Miranda, the twins will come round, they know how much you love them and never, ever would leave them and they'll always need their mum."

Andy smiled and again rubbed her thumb on Miranda's knee, she knew Miranda needed this reassurance; the girls came before anything in her life.

"I had no idea, I'm sorry to hear that Andrea. I hope you're right, I know it's my fault and I need to correct it, but I have no idea how to." she sighed, feeling so upset that they were her daughters and she felt like she knew nothing about them, she knew it'd have to change and quickly.

"Miranda, it's not your fault, you're just very committed to your work and if someone can't understand that then that's their problem, not yours"

Andy knew from herself, Nate didn't understand her commitment to her work and that's mainly why they broke up. Andy blamed herself for it and thought she was just being selfish, but she realized, if you want something for yourself, you have to get it, no matter who you leave behind.

"Andrea, if only my ex husbands had your mentality. My work is very important, but the girls? They are more important me to. so I think I need to take them away for a while, away from everything here, just us." She sniffed and smiled, looking deep into Andy's eyes.

'She's known me shorter than most, yet she understands me more than most. How does she do that?' Miranda thought to herself, she realised this girl was exquisite and if she was honest to herself, she had deeper feelings for her than she'd ever allowed herself to feel.

" That sounds like a good idea Miranda, I'll re-arrange your schedule for when you want to go and get everything sorted for you." Andy smiled; glad she played a little part in making Miranda feel a little better.

"I best get off though, it's getting late." Andy yawned. " I'll see you tomorrow" she removed her hand from Miranda's knee and went to get up.

Miranda didn't want her to leave, she was really warming to the girl and she missed not having the physical contact, even if it was just a hand on her knee.

Miranda pulled Andrea back down with her hand. "Thank you." Miranda smiled, genuinely for the first time in a while.

Andy wasn't even surprised at her thank you, after what had gone on tonight, she was really given a chance to see Miranda was human after all and there was another side of Miranda; one that not many would get to see.

Any understood why though and hoped everything wouldn't go back to normal and Miranda would consider her a friend.

Their heads were close together after Miranda pulled her back down. Andy was feeling brave, if she got sacked she didn't care, but she had a feeling inside her that Miranda felt like she did.

"You're welcome" she smirked then closed the gap between them both, their lips clashing together in the most passionate kiss Andy had ever endured and Miranda didn't pull back, which confirmed it for Andy.

'Thank God she feels the same.' Andy thought to herself.

Miranda was taken back, but she certainly wanted it, she hadn't realised for how long until Andy actually kissed her! Andy had courage, she loved that. Not only that, she actually liked her too. Miranda doubted she would, because of her being double her age, but none of that mattered.

They were so lost in each other, tongues colliding and small moans coming from both of them, they didn't just want each other, they needed each other.

''Mom!'' the twins coursed standing in the doorway.

**Please let us know what you think. We would be truly grateful.**

**Lauren and Hannah x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thankyou to everyone who has followed, favourites and wrote a review to the opening of our story. This chapter, along with the first one are writen by hannah, I will be writing next and we will hopefully take it in turns with each chapter.**

**Hope you enjoy chapter two, let us know what you think.**

Miranda instantly pulled away. "how dare you!" she exclaimed, lightly slapping Andy across the face, trying to make herself look innocent and convincing in front of her children.

Standing up, she straightened herself out ''Is everything okay girls?'' she asked, putting her hair into place.

Both girls just looked at their mother, then at Andy and back at their mother. Cassidy knew something was going on, she just had to figure out what.

Cassidy was the first to speak, "Urm… yeah…we're fine, just making sure you were. We heard Andy come in, but didn't hear her leave."

"Were you two fighting?" Caroline was unsure about anything going on, not having the same certainty as her sister.

Andy had also stood up and straightened herself out, replaying the events in her mind, trying to get her head around what had just happened. "I should get going." Picking up her things, with a slight nod of her head to Miranda she vanished out the door before anybody had chance to say anything.

Miranda just watched as Andy left and she quickly went over what had just happened, not really knowing what to think about it.

"See, you make everyone leave!" Caroline snapped and ran upstairs, thinking it was her mother's fault that Andy had left and they'd argued.

Cassidy was tired of treating her mother this way, it was getting tedious. Cassidy had more of an understanding than her sister, she knew her mother was feared and was seen as the 'Ice Queen' but she knew it couldn't all be her mother's fault everyone had left.

Miranda was at her whit's end with all of it, she thought she was protecting her children and shielding them away from what had gone on, but she couldn't have been more wrong.

Without her even realizing it, tears started to fall from her eyes and she sat down trying to hide it. Her children had never seen her cry, but recently she'd just felt she'd been getting weaker and she had no control.

"I suppose you blame me too don't you?" She breathed in and looked over at Cassidy who turned around to look at her mother.

Cassidy became concerned; her mother never cried, she was always the one there when they were upset. She was the strongest person Cassidy knew.

"Mom. Mom don't cry!" she exclaimed as she walked over and sat close, hugging her mother from the side.

"I'm sorry Cassidy, I just feel every potential, or good relationship I've had, I've messed up. Your sister is right, it's entirely my fault, I bet you two can't wait to get away from me."

She sniffed and sat further back on the couch. Cassidy moved her head up to below Miranda's chin, putting her arms around her mother's waist.

"No mom, I love you and I love being with you. I understand how important your job is to you and I know me and Caro will always come first, but it is like your third baby. I don't know why your relationships ended, but you should know. I do not blame you for dad leaving, or Stephen. You're the one who's always stuck with us, and always as best you could make it if we needed you. Caroline doesn't understand, she's just taken all the bad things that have happened and blamed them on you. Then after tonight seeing you hit Andy I think it just added fuel to the fire, she forgets everything you've done and do for us, That's all." Cassidy sighed and squeezed her mother.

Miranda was so touched; it was a huge reassurance for her.

"Sometimes Cassidy it's hard to believe that you're only 11. Thank you sweetheart, I love you and your sister so much and I will do anything I can to protect you, you're the two most important things in my life and you will always come first."

She smiled and kissed Cassidy's forehead then begun running her fingers through her hair. It was silent. A comfortable silence.

Caroline had been standing outside the door the whole time, listening to what her sister said, she realized their mother was all they had. There constantly to talk or whatever and she and her sister were all her mother had. It dawned on her she'd have to stop this, her mother didn't deserve it. In fact when she come to think of it, her mother had a lot to deal with and a lot of stress as it was, there was no need for her to keep adding to it.

Caroline walked in and saw her mother in the middle and Cassidy on her left hand side on the couch.

"Caroline. Are you okay?" Miranda asked as she saw her walk in, looking slightly fragile and guilty.

Caroline ran over to her mother's left hand side and cuddled up.

"I'm so sorry mom, I'm sorry for treating you the way I have been, you don't deserve it." Caroline said, hugging her mother tighter.

"It's okay Caroline, I know why you acted the way you did, don't worry, I don't blame you. Can we start a fresh now girls?" Miranda asked kissing both their foreheads in turn.

Miranda felt them both nodding their heads and felt relived they had managed to sort it out.

"What about Andy, mom?" Cassidy asked.

"What about her?" Miranda was shocked that she'd brought Andy up.

"Do you think I was born yesterday? We saw you both kissing, and don't deny you didn't want to." Cassidy smirked.

Miranda sighed, she could tell them to go to bed and go and work on the book and avoid the conversation. But her girls were getting older, and she was fed up of lying to them, she knew they were intelligent and mature enough not to flip out.

"Fine. I don't know how or why it happened, but it did, and yes I did want to. Although, I can't have a relationship with Andrea." It was stupid, out of the question, unthinkable, Miranda thought.

"Well why not? If two people love each other, then they should be together" Caroline stated.

"I am not in love with Andrea!" Miranda exclaimed. Or was she?

"Well whatever, she seems cool mom, you should invite her for dinner tomorrow." Caroline suggested.

"Yes! You should, Andy is your best assistant. We promise not to pull any tricks."

Cassidy smiled, reminiscing to the time's she and Caroline would wind Stephen up.

"Fine, I will ask." Miranda sighed.

"Although, supposedly I did begin dating Andrea, how would you feel about it?"

Dating? They'd shared one kiss and she was already considering them dating. It didn't seem weird to her though, she wanted it to happen, slowly of course. Perhaps it would.

"It's fine mom, just as long as you are happy." Cassidy smiled.

"And you Caroline?"

"Yeah it's cool mom, I'm with Cass, whatever makes you happy, makes us happy"

Miranda smiled, she'd not felt this happy for a long long time. Of course whenever she was with her girls, she was happy, that was different. But in terms of someone loving her, and her being able to love someone else, it was something she just couldn't do.

This, throughout her life had made her very unhappy. Maybe it'd be different with a woman she thought and laughed to herself. One day, she hoped she could find happiness in a relationship, instead of the lingering fear.

Miranda loved this quality time and tonight decided she wasn't going over the book, she could leave it till the morning. Tonight she was going to spend time with the two most precious people in her life who she loved, and they loved her.

"You know what we haven't done in a while…movie night!" Miranda exclaimed, she knew this would put a smile on their faces.

"Really mom, can we?" Cassidy shot up, looking at Miranda beaming.

"Yes bobbsey, I think we need to spend some quiet and quality time together. It's been too long. Go and pick your film and put your pyjamas on and I'll get the popcorn and ice cream."

Miranda loved seeing their faces light up and she loved that these small things could make her children so happy.

She watched them as they ran off upstairs like two excited 5 year olds. Some things never change no matter how old they get, she thought and laughed.

**Thankyou for taking your time to read, please let us know what you think.**

**I'll be writing the next chapter.**

**Lauren and Hannah**

**x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi. Chapter three. this is my update now, Hannah will being doing the next one. I hope you enjoy this update, please let us know what you think :)**

She tossed and turned that night. She didn't know why this always happened. Well, she knew why, but she couldn't seem to explain to herself that it wouldn't happen again, which resulted in her pushing everyone away. Not fully, but far enough for them to question what was really important to them and whether they were still able to commit or not.

Miranda knew she had to do something about this situation. However, that was easier said than done, in her head it was the easiest thing to do, but when it came down to it, when it came down to actually opening up and letting another person see into her life, her emotions cut the rational thoughts out of her head, her barriers went up and the 'dragon lady' came out. However hard Miranda tried she couldn't seem to find it in herself to be able to relive her deepest and darkest secrets with anyone other than herself.

Her past was her past, and only hers. She couldn't understand why somebody would want to relive that with her. But as she had grown older, entered into and left marriages, she has come to realise that her not sharing her secrets ultimately made her alienate herself from the people she cared about and pushed them away.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Her town car pulled up outside Elias Clarke, slipping one hand on the latch she swung the car door open. Elegantly lowered her left leg to the ground and pulled herself out of the car.

Walking into the building, she kept her head high and her nose even higher. She really didn't care what; models, designers, photographers and journalists thought of her, the only opinion that really mattered to her was the one person she had pushed away.

Striding into the lift Miranda pushed the button to head to Runway. As the lift gradually worked its way up the many floors her thoughts steered towards the night before, she knew she wanted it and she knew she needed it too. However her fear of opening up and involving another person in her life intimately scared her.

She knew she had to smooth things out with the young brunette, if not for her own sake but for her children's. She refused to let her children think she was one big mess up. The conversation she and her children had, really touched her the night before. She knew regardless of what anyone else thought of her or what they saw her as, there were only three opinions that mattered to her; her children's and her assistant.

'Shit, she is my assistant' Miranda thought to herself. 'I can't do this, not like this, not when she is working for me, I can't keep her my dirty little secret, and I refuse to.'

Miranda's head began to swim. What the hell was she going to do?

The noise of the lift announcing its arrival to the Runway floor and the doors opening, extracted her from her thoughts. Being here seemed to clear her head. Here, at runway, she was in charge, she knew what she was doing and she refused to accept anything but the best. It was a shame really that she couldn't say the same for her private life. Her life away from Runway was so much different to work life that you would think Miranda was two different people.

Exiting the lift she walked down the long white corridor to her office. Everything seemed too bright for her, the perfect white walls that glowed under the bright over head lights, the transparent glass doors and the walls only made her feel even more exposed and vulnerable. Her head began to spin.

Walking into the exterior of her office she noticed the only desk occupied was Andrea's. Taking a deep breath, Miranda glided up to Andrea's desk. Lowering her head just a little so Andrea wasn't able to see her eyes with out bending down, Miranda spoke. A soft, hushed tone left her mouth, surprising her as well as her assistant.

"Do you have a minute please Andrea?" 'Do you have a minute? Do you have?' for goodness sake you don't ask her, you tell her you silly woman' Miranda thought to herself.

Dropping her coat and bag on Emily's desk Miranda strode into her office with Andrea in tow. Once both inside, Miranda turned and shut the door behind them.

She guided Andrea over to the green sofa that lay at the back of her office. She refused to make this conversation formal. So, with out the barrier of a desk between them Miranda felt confident she would be able to talk to the young woman with out the professional, snide commented Miranda getting in the way. However, with out the desk separating them, Miranda began to feel vulnerable. She was beginning to blur the lines of boss and employee. Both parties had to ensure they both stepped carefully.

Miranda watched as Andrea's face twisted into many different emotions, most of which she was beginning to be able to read, the obvious two being confusion and fear. Fear of what? Fear of her? Surely not, fear of being rejected again? Possibly. The only way Miranda would be able to find out would be to talk to the young woman. So why was this becoming such a difficult concept for her to grasp? She had called her in here for goodness sake.

Following her assistant over to the sofa Miranda sat down. Keeping a safe but happy distance between them both, with out fear of isolation for both parties.

Taking another deep breath, Miranda began to speak.

"I'm sorry Andrea... about last night, I reacted completely in appropriately, I can assure you it won't happen again."

'WHAT ARE YOU SAYING YOU MAD WOMAN!? YOU WANT IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN!' she thought to herself.

"I was just so shocked my children had seen me in such a...compromising position that I just freaked out a bit, that was all, I didn't mean to react that way."

Lowering her head Miranda stared at her hands which were playing absent mindedly at the hem of her dress. Feeling a warm delicate hand being placed on top of hers Miranda closed her eyes and inhaled softly.

The feel of Andrea's skin against hers felt natural, like it should always be there.

"I'm sorry I pushed you into something you didn't want to do Miranda, I acted completely innapropriately. I could visibly see you were upset and yet I still persisted to try for more. I am so ashamed of myself... if you wish for me to hand in my resignation I will. Effective immediately."

With the sound of Andrea's last sentence Miranda's head snapped up. She eyed the young woman in front of her. She did not want that, she didn't want the girl to be more than 100 feet away from her let alone out of her life completely. She shook her head.

"No Andrea. No. I don't want your resignation and I don't want your apology. Not that I don't accept it, of course I do, but there is nothing to apologise for, you didn't push me into anything. I am a fully grown woman Andrea in case you haven't noticed. Quite a few years older than you in fact, I know my own mind, and I can assure you I would never enter into anything I didn't want to do. Why do you think I have never gone to work for the gossip rags."

Miranda smiled to herself, making a slight joke at the end of her serious reply seemed to take the heat off her comment a little. She heard Andrea chuckle. She pulled one of her hands from underneath Andrea's and wrapped it gently over her assistants.

"I spoke with the girls after you left."

Andrea's eyes widened and she shook her head a little. "Oh? And what did that say?"

"They wish for you to come to dinner this evening at our home. They seem to have taken a bit of a shine to you." Miranda smiled and gently traced small circled on the back of Andrea's hand with her thumb.

Smiling at that comment Andrea nodded and replied. "They are great girls Miranda, you must be so proud of them."

Nodding, Miranda lent back on the sofa pulling Andrea back with her. "I am, we talked things through last night and they seemed to understand a little. We spoke a little about what they saw between us and they told me in no uncertain terms that you are my best assistant..

Smiling, she looked down and their entwined hands.

"So will you ? Come to dinner tonight with me and the twins?" Miranda's hands began to twitch. A sure show sign tell that she was nervous.

Squeezing her hand, Andrea nodded then simply replied. "Yes."

Frowning, Miranda looked up at her assistant. "What?"

"Yes Miranda, I would love to come for dinner with you and your family in your home, thank you for inviting me."

An instant smile replaced the frown etched on Miranda's face and relief rippled through every cell in her body. "Thank you, Say about half seven? Gives me and the girls a chance to sit down and have a talk before you come round." She smiled.

Loosening their hands Miranda stood, hearing the arrival of her second assistant.

"Now run along Andrea, you don't want to be late for your boss and I shall see you properly at 7.30."

Nodding, Andrea smiled a beautiful smile at her boss.

"Yes Miranda." She simply replied.

**I hope you enjoyed it. Please let us know what you think so far :)**

**Lauren and Hannah**

**x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's taken so long to reply, being the start of the new college year nothing ever gets done in time.**

**Here's the next chapter we hope you enjoy it.**

Despite the fact that in reality the hours moved as normal, for both Miranda and Andrea the day seemed to drag.

Both had very mixed feelings about the nights invitation into Miranda's home but in different ways.

Miranda was filled with apprehension but pure exitement bubble through her body for what may or may not happen during the course of the evening.

Andy was filled with sheer dread. It wasn't that she wasnt looking forward to the evening, infact she was sort of excited. However sheer fear seemed to over take her level of excitement. When she accepted the invitation she was thrown by just how vulnerable Miranda looked, how Andrea was concerned about her and also to prove to Miranda and possibly herself that she was willing to try and rectify any relationship they may have between them.

As the hours rolled by though, realisation set in and by half past five Andrea was nervous wreck. What the hell was she going to wear? How would she act around the twins and miranda, would she even be able to tell the twins apart? All types of different ways this evening could end were running through her mind, and yet dispite all these feelings and anxieties she couldnt help but feel the excitement bubbling in her veins.

Her palms began to sweat and she started to fidget; she couldn't seem to sit still. Despite how sweet Miranda thought these nervous show signs were, Andrea was really beginning to get on her nerves, she wasnt able to work. Through the corner of her eye all she could see was Andrea wringing her palms and when her feet began to swing under her desk,miranda's patience were beginging to wear thin.

She really couldn't take anymore of the rediculous movement when she could see through the corner of her eye Andrea rub her hands together and go to place them down on her legs.

" Andrea, if you dare wipe you hands on those Suede trousers you will be walking patricia every morning for the rest of you employement here." Miranda couldnt help but let a small smile play on her lips as she heard the soft gasp escape Andreas mouth.

Putting down the polaroids of the lattest photoshoot she called Andrea into her office.

Scrambling to her feet Andrea quickly checked over her trousers to make sure there was no sweat marks that would give her instant employement as main dog walker.

Looking up at her young employee, Miranda raked her eyes over Andrea's legs, mentally using the excuse to check for sweat stains on the $1500 Prada trousers convenietly borrowed from the closet courtesy of Nigel. Nodding once miranda moved her gaze to Andrea's face.

" Andrea go home."

"err..buu"

"no. go home. Have a bath, read a book, clean your apartment. Just go home and do something. You have wriggling around in your chair for the last hour and I personally dont want to see you ruin those trousers any more than you already have."

setting her face into a soft smile, Miranda continued.

"i will see you at half past seven, I'll send roy to pick you up. Now go. That's all."

Miranda didn't give andrea a chance to respond she simply lowered her eyes and picked up the polaroids again.

Nodding, Andrea turned on her heel and walked out, leant over her desk and pulled her bag out of the draw next to her computor. This possition gave miranda a perfect view of Andrea's behind. Smiling to herself when she heard Miranda gasp, she turned her head slightly; just enough to catch miranda's eye and winked at her before standing bck up straight and walking out of runway.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

With andrea gone Miranda felt slightly out of the loop, sure she had Emily there to deal with all of her immediate needs but andrea; andrea was able to deal with Miranda's needs that she didnt even know she had, for example, fetching Miranda's coffee when she hadn't asked for it after a rather long and tiresome board meeting and rearanging her schedule so she would be able to attend her children's school concert next tuesday.

That beings said, she also felt slightly more relaxed with out Andrea around, especially after this mornings conversation between the pair. She felt she was able to do her job with out continously looking over at the young brunette; her eyes trailing over her body every time Andrea got up or the slight squeek of her chair indicating that she had stood up and was walking around the office.

By six oclock Miranda could no longer concentrate, her mind kept gliding over the events of the previous night in her home with the woman who would be there again tonight. Her mind kept picturing situations and sinareo's of ways andrea and herself would end up being in the same possition again.

However one thought always brought her out of these pleasant thoughts. Her past.

She knew she would have to get over this issue if she wanted any sort of a chance with the young woman, but her past had imprinted so much on her other relationshps she couldn't help but feel it would do the same with this one, well if there was a going to be a relationship between the pair that is.

A small niggling in her brain was telling her to stop being so rediculous, to stop worrying over the fact that yet again her feelings would get hurt and she would be back in the same dark place she was with all her other relationships. However despite her hidious past, Miranda had a feeling about this relationship that this one would be different, that Andrea would be willing to deal with Miranda's issues- mental, physical and commitment, but in order for that to happen Miranda would need to be willing to open up, be willing to let another person be involved in her life so much that she felt safe enough to entrust her troubled past in another being.

If it sounded that easy, that the pro's outdid the con's why was it that Miranda was having such an issue convincing herself that Andrea would be willing to be a part of her life, to put to rest her past and to build a future?

One thought came to Miranda's head. 'only time will tell.'

yes that was very true, only time would tell. She had told herself this over and over again with all her other relationships, and it was true, time would tell, but time had told her the things she didn't want to know or feel. The fact that she couldn't trust a single other person enough to explain her past and attempt to put it to rest.

She did come close to telling a person a long time ago. Her twins' father. She remembers that day vividly.

. . . . . . . .

She remembers lying in bed next to the man, the man who had just made love to her. See that was the first issue right there. People made love to her, she didnt make love to them. When in such a position all Miranda felt like was a piece of machinery, an atom being manipulated into something another wanted her to be. She would lie their and allow people to control her body, use it in the way they wished and then lie back down when they had finished, she would role over, pull the covers right up to her chin and squeeze her eye shut so tightly her eyelids ached from the pressure.

That night after her husband had made love to her miranda did the same thing she normally did; roled over and attempted sleep. This time though closing her eyes didn't seem to have the desired effect she had hoped for. Knowing full well Miranda wasn't asleep, her husband placed his hand on her hip and attempted to role her to the side to face him. Miranda wimpered. " please don't, please don't touch me." Startlling herself as the words escaped her mouth, Miranda shifted further along the bed.

" what's wrong?" her husband asked.

Taking a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut miranda took a deep breath and replied.

" I can't Richard, I can't do this, please don't"

this conversation seemed to occur often after such activities with her husband but they didn't go this way. It would normally be, her husband would ask what was wrong with her but she was just move over slightly closer to him and close her eyes tighter to fall asleep.

This time however she couldn't do that. She just couldn't believe she could have been so stupid. Couldn't believe she had aloud someone this close to her to let this happen. She had lost control yet again, she had allowed some one to posses her so much that another situation had occurred where she didn't know what to do with herself.

" Miranda, i've had enough of this, every time we have sex this happens. Just talk to me."

"i..i.. I cant Richard, I just can't."

beginning to lose his temper, her husband inhaled sharply.

" yes you can and you will, you never talk to me about anything other than your stupid job, or ask me every now and again if I would like a cup of coffee while you are going over the book. Well no more. I want to know what is going on, I can't do this any more. You are my life Miranda but I can never have the whole of you because you wont tell me anything. Now talk to me."

pulling herself up the bed Miranda plastered the 'dragon lady' expression on her face.

" i'm pregnant Richard, we are going to have a baby."

a smile instantly spread across Richard's face, his hand moving protectively over his wife's stomach.

Miranda flinched and moved his hand away from her body.

" what's wrong? This is amazing Miranda, we are going to be parents."

" no Richard this is not amazing, I don't want this, I can't do this, im too old, I don't have it in be to be a good parent."

frowning Richard pulled the sheets down around his waist.

"what? Why would you say that? That is utterly ridiculous How do you know you wouldn't be a good parent? You have never had the opportunity."

Miranda really had to hold her tongue at this comment. There was only one way she would be able to get her husband to understand. To make him understand that this really wasn't a possibility for her; she couldn't be a parent.

"i... when I was... no, i'm not doing this, I refuse to do this."

" what the hell are you talking about, we are going to be parents, this is fantastic news. I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with you Miranda and now we are going to have a baby, what a better way to share our life together."

that last sentence her husband spoke really through her over the edge. She leant over her side of the bed picked up her blue silk dressing gown, wrapped it around herself and pulled herself up from the bed.

" i'm sorry richard, I can't do this."

With this Miranda pulled open their bedroom door and made her way to the guest bedroom.

Shortly after this, their relationship began to break down, Miranda refused to acknowledge the fact that she was pregant, she refused to understand her husband's point of view and she through everything she had into her work. The only possible way she could gain back her control was to work. From the minute she woke up to the minute she went to sleep the only thing she would think about talk about would be work. The latest, Prada collection, which belt best matched the ballerina dress from this season's Donna Karen.

That was another relationship that failed due to the fact that she found it hard to commit to a person body and soul.

Don't get her wrong, her twins were beautiful, and she wouldn't change them for the world, they really were the best thing to ever happen to her, but she couldn't get rid of the fact that it hadn't always been like that.

. . . . . . . . . .. . .

Pushing those thoughts out of her head Miranda pulled herself up from her desk, turned of the lamp and called through.

"coat, bag."

hearing emily scramble out of her seat to get her belongings miranda smiled slightly, see, to her this felt like control. Having the power to make people do what ever she wanted them to do, to make all the decisions needed to ensure her magazine was at the top, and people would walk, well, practically sprint down the runway corridors carrying out the orders she had put to them.

Last night with Andrea she didn't have control, she had totally lost it, she did something so spontanious it had knocked her world a little off center. But funnily enough she didn't seem to mind, she understood what had happened last night, and she knew this feeling would occur again tonight, she just couldn't seem to understand why she didn't feel so out of control when she really didn't have any.

Refusing to think about any of this any more miranda took her items from her assistant and made her way down runway to the awaiting car at the bottom. Taking her phone out of her purse, she smiled at the name that appeared on the screen.

Andrea :

please don't ever hesitate to be yourself around me, because of what I have seen of the real miranda I really like her. She is a very beautiful woman.

Yours, A x

Miranda's smile grew considerably after reading the message from her assistant. Looking up at her driver she told roy about picking Andrea up and bringing her to the town house that evening and then he would be finished for the night and she would see him in the morning.

Her fingers hovered over the keypad on her phone, she pressed reply and gently typed out her message.

Miranda:

I promise to be myself around you as long as you are willing to accept me for who I am, the whole of me, 'dragon lady' also. I shall see you this evening.

M

nodding at her response she pressed send. In her head she had told Andrea that there was two sides to the broken woman, and that she entrusted Andrea with knowing this. She was snapped out of her thoughts as the woman in question replied to her message.

Andrea:

I will accept you in every way you give me. I will also appreciate you in every way you allow me to.

Enjoy the rest of your afternoon.

A x

Smiling to herself Miranda sat back in her seat. Andrea had said she would accept her for who she was, that included her past. Miranda's heart began to swell. Yes, this relationship felt right, the only thing she had to do now was let the young woman in enough for her to be able to see all sides to miranda, to accept her past and build her future.

**This update was meant to be their date at the town house but i though maybe giving you all a little background information would help understand Miranda's past for latter episodes.**

**i hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**please let us know what you think**

**Lauren and Hannah x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, sorry this update has taken so long we have both been so bust with college. But here is your next update. This one has been written by hannah. We hope you enjoy it.**

Roy pulled up at Miranda's townhouse, Andy was sitting anxiously in the back seat, going over and over in her head; what will she say to Miranda. Will Miranda feel comfortable around her? Will she feel comfortable? Her mind was just doing overtime. Andy hadn't even realized that she was there, her palms were sweaty and her heart was beating faster than usual.

"We're here Andy" Roy turned and said to a closed eyed Andy.

His voice shook her and brought her back to Earth. "Right, yes, thanks." She smiled to him and with a shaky hand, opened the door and got out. She smoothed down her dress, took a big breath out and walked up the stairs to the townhouse.

She reached out her hand and went to push the doorbell, then stopped herself. 'Calm down, everything will be fine' she tried to reassure herself, feeling extremely anxious as to how the night would pan out. Finally she plucked up the courage and pushed her finger on the doorbell.

Miranda hadn't known what do with herself since getting ready. Times like this she cursed herself for always being early. She poured herself a glass of wine then sat down, her foot tapping slightly. Then she got up and started pacing the living room, she was all over the place.

Caroline and Cassidy came down and entered the room, they saw their mom talking to herself and walking up and down.

"Mom are you okay?" Caroline asked.

Miranda was shook out of her thoughts; she looked to the doorway with a bemused look on her face. "Yes" she chugged down the rest of her wine "I'm fine" she smiled nervously.

"Mom jus-" Cassidy was cut off by the sound of the doorbell.

Miranda's eyes shot up, she put down her glass, looked in the mirror; fumbled with her hair a little then turned to her daughters. "How do I look?" she asked. Miranda never asked anybody how she looked, because she knew no matter what she wore, she could pull it off. Although for Andrea, she wanted to look perfect.

"You look fine, now go!" Caroline smiled and the twins moved back so that their mother could pass.

Miranda walked through the hall and to the door, with a shaky hand she opened the door and took in Andrea's beauty. She was wearing a black Valentino floor length mesh insert dress, which was see through from her sternum, down to above her stomach, exposing the curves of her breasts with peep toe Jimmy Choo's. Miranda's breath hitched a little as she took in the sight upon her, she looked magnificent.

Andy stood waiting, chewing her lip unconsciously and then she heard the door click and stopped immediately.

She went to say something, but nothing came out as she saw Miranda. Her eyes slowly moved downwards. Miranda was wearing Prada, of course, much like the dress she wore for the benefit, it exposed her shoulders.

'If I only I could just...' stop Andy, control yourself.

"Good evening Andrea, please come in" Miranda broke the silence and moved aside for Andy to come in.

"Here let me take your coat" she reached for Andy's coat and their hands brushed only ever so slightly, but it was just enough to send shivers down both of their spines.

Andy subsequently smiled seductively at Miranda. Miranda then walked in front to lead her to the living room. She felt her eyes on her behind so she walked a little slower and swayed her hips a little more.

"Hey Andy!" the twins chorused as she entered the room.

"Hey Caroline, hey Cassidy" she smiled, thankful she could tell them apart, she knew it meant a lot to Miranda.

"Dinner will be ready in five minutes; can I get you anything to drink Andrea? Wine perhaps?" Miranda asked as Andy sat down.

"Wine will be great, thanks" she smiled and turned back to the twins.

"So, have you two seen the new Harry Potter film yet?"

"Yes!" they both squealed.

Miranda walked over to and gave Andy her wine. Andy and the twins continued to talk about Harry Potter, talking about the next film coming out. Miranda took a step back and watched, she laughed a little to herself. No one had ever made that quick of a connection with her girls, and she'd never seen her girls look so relaxed around anyone new.

Shortly afterwards the cook gave Miranda a nod to say dinner was ready.

"You ready to eat Andrea?"

"Yeah, it smells great!" she smiled and followed Miranda and the girls through to the dining room.

They all took their places at the dinner table, conversation moving on to school; who was now their best friend and who did better in the math test. They were oozing with excitement and had so many questions they wanted to ask Andy, which of course she did answer, she took it as it was their 'little test' to see if she met their approval.

"Girls, please, stop bothering Andrea, isn't it time you two went and did your homework? It is getting late."

"I guess we should, sorry Andy"

"Yeah, sorry Andy, we didn't mean to bother you"

"Don't worry about it, I don't mind telling you" she smiled.

They both smiled back and stood up from the table.

"Good night mum, good night Andy"

"I'll check on you later, goodnight my darlings"

They left the room and Andy started to begin feeling nervous. The twins were a kind of distraction, since she'd arrived she and Miranda had hardly talked.

"Shall we move over to the couch?" Miranda asked, picking up the bottle of wine and her glass.

Andy nodded and moved over with her, placing her glass on the table and sitting close next to Miranda.

"Your children are a credit to you Miranda, they're such intelligent girls" Andy smiled. At first she didn't warm to them at all after they'd played the trick of bringing the book upstairs, but she soon got over that and realised that if they liked you, they were nice to you.

"They seem to adore you. Thank you for taking an interest Andrea, sometimes I feel so out of touch with them and their father isn't much help. Then there was Stephen and he never made time for them" she sighed.

"You just remember what it was like being their age. Anyone who had any kind of authority over you, you weren't interested in speaking to or telling them anything" Andy laughed thinking back to her adolescence and what she didn't tell her mother and father.

"Yes well, things were different in my time, it's all changed now. They're into a lot more than I was" she chuckled a little.

Andy thought this would be the perfect time to try and find out a little more about Miranda's past.

"What was your childhood like Miranda?

Miranda always hated when people brought up her childhood, it wasn't something she liked to think or talk about.

"Ordinary really, nothing special to tell"

She prayed Andy wouldn't push her on the subject.

Andy knew better than to try and ask more questions, she could see she was reluctant to say anything, maybe she'd be able to confide in her given time.

Andy yawned and took a look at her watch. 9.30pm.

"I best get going, need my beauty sleep" she smiled.

"You're beautiful as you are andrea" shit! That wasn't meant to be said out loud.

Andy turned and smiled at Miranda. "Thank you, but you are the most beautiful of them all." She placed her hand on Miranda's cheek to pull her in closer and their lips clashed together. After that initial touching of the lips, they couldn't get enough of each other, both loving the way the other tasted and how much passion there was in the kiss.

Finally they broke apart for air, Andy placed a small kiss on the tip of Miranda's nose and stood up to leave.

She walked through the hallway and picked up her coat, turning round again to face Miranda.

"I had a wonderful night, thank you Miranda, I hope we can do it again soon" she smiled and leaned in again to capture Miranda's lips. They kissed four times and Andy finally, reluctantly stopped, knowing if they continued she wouldn't be able to stop and she wanted to take it slowly.

"Of course. I'llsee you tomorrow." Miranda smiled and opened the door for her, then watched her walk to the car.

She closed the door and backed up against it, her fingertips placed on her lips, still tingling. She chuckled and that's when she realised, she was falling for Andrea Sachs.

**Please let us know what you think.**

**Thankyou**

**Lauren and hannah**

**x**


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